Today, Sunrise and Sunset Look The Same

The plans of an unemployed person can change quickly – they can also be sparse and rather boring.

On Monday, I heard back from Pearson Education. They asked me to come in for an interview. In order to work with the times they had available, I agreed to come to Boston on Tuesday morning. I had one night to prepare for the interview; I did my best, and made sure to remind myself that I do have desirable qualities and I would do well in the position. The interview went very well, and that is not to say I know one way or the other whether I’m going to get the job, but I feel that I brought many good and useful aspects of myself to light. (Whatever that means.) I want this job because I think I would really like working there. I should have a job that’s a real challenge – if I don’t go for that, I’m just being lazy. I’m not even trying to use my potential. So I WILL go for something like that.

Of course, I know that if I don’t get it, it’s because there is something else, something that’s going to come along REALLY soon, that I’m supposed to do. When you find something that seems to match you so well and it turns out you don’t get to have it, there has to be a reason, right?

I also have re-activated my status as a relief worker to help disabled people, a job I had for two summer breaks and about two weeks in the winter before I went to Ireland. (That was the year I worked on Christmas Eve.) I’ll go in and work when someone calls me, and I’ll make money. I can also be paid to get training for things such as CPR, and doesn’t that sound like something I should take advantage of? I think it does.

Today, I have been typing up a story, breaking for a little film entertainment, and then typing some more. Then, I started to think about the state of my life, and while it could be so much worse, it’s full of doubt and discontentment. These are things that will most likely always be there, but there are times when they will be waiting in the background, or deeply buried, instead of defining features. It feels so wrong this way.

I have managed to be moderately busy this week, but now plans have dropped off, and I have nothing planned until Saturday afternoon.

My mother suggests that if I have to cancel plans with friends in order to work, I should. I have plan-cancelling guilt. Any time I am meant to do something with someone, if it turns out I can’t, I hate cancelling. I feel terrible about it. Does anyone know why that is?

Out the window, the sun adds a bright, golden illumination to the house next door. Right now, the light looks more like that of the beginning of the day, instead of the end.


~ by plaidlylush on January 14, 2010.

One Response to “Today, Sunrise and Sunset Look The Same”

  1. I found a job recently that I would be so excited to have, and when I got to the last page of it they required experience the applicant to own and be very familiar with a mac, and I don’t own one, and have only rarely used one. It was such a huge disappointment, and I’m trying to get over it by basically telling myself the same time of thing – that it means something better is going to come along. I hope that’s the case for both of us!

    Also, I’m really excited for Saturday, BUT if you have to cancel to work, don’t feel guilty. I feel exactly the same way when I cancel on someone, but neither of us should. Life happens, most people understand that.

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