If knowing is half the battle…

then what’s the other half, in this case?

I know now, after a very brief email this morning, that I did not get the job I was hoping for.

I wanted to stay home afterward and wallow for a bit, but I had already been planning to go into San Francisco, so I bucked up and got dressed for the day.

It was a largely uneventful, but not unpleasant day. I spent less than $3, talked to a Body Shop employee for about 20 mintues (about life, unemployment, skin care products…), and didn’t get any blisters. Knowing that I lost a job opportunity kept me from buying anything, even though shop therapy has proven quite effective in the past.

The most regretful part of not getting this job is all the effort I put toward the proofreading test, and the troubleshooting time I put in (I can’t comment on pdfs on my computer). I understand that it was most likely a simple case of someone else seeming to be a better fit for them, and that’s fine. I just feel like all that effort went to waste.

On the other hand, the pressure of waiting, which is a little bit like having something heavy on both chest and shoulders, is now gone. I hate the waiting to find out part.

I am currently in the midst of a conundrum somewhat like writer’s block, except that I do not lack for inspiration. I’m editing the work I did for my independent study writing project, a perfectly logical step since I plan to publish them at some point. I’ve finished the first round of editing on one of the stories, and although I want to get going on the next one, I have yet to sit down and get any substantial work done on it. I’ve also had thoughts about the introduction I’m going to write for these stories, which I feel they could certainly use. And on a different score, I am completely reworking the piece I had workshopped for Recent Innovative Fiction, which received a terrible reception in the class because absolutely everyone misunderstood what I was trying to do. That tells me it needs to be overhauled and written in a completely different way. As much as I want to, I haven’t begun that yet, except to go through and delete everything except the few parts I feel I can keep in version 2.

Despite this wealth of options in present writing endeavors, I have not lifted a finger toward creativity since early last week, when I finished with my story about Cuchulainn (of Irish mythology) and Krishna (Hindu god).

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~ by plaidlylush on November 10, 2009.

5 Responses to “If knowing is half the battle…”

  1. I’m so sad that you didn’t get that job.

    But life has taught me that you will get a job that will be a good one. You just don’t know when. As you said, the waiting is the hardest part.

    We all love you and are pulling for you.

  2. I am so sorry you didn’t get the job! You will get something eventually. In the meantime, enjoy San Francisco. And, maybe having this time to edit your own writing and create new works is a blessing in disguise, because once you start working full-time, it gets hard to find the time for your own stuff.

    Love,
    Christina

  3. I’m very sorry to hear of this disappointment, after all that hard work you put into it. It sounds like you have a definite plan for your writing, and so it seems that your project will come together nicely, in time.
    It’s wonderful that you have this opportunity to knock around San Francisco, and I hope you can enjoy this time while you’re job seeking. Good luck!

  4. Love you Deva. The work you did was not a waste. You now have the experience of doing that kind of test, which will likely be part of future publishing interviews….so now it’s experience! Can’t wait to kick around San Francisco and Mountain View with you!!! Saturday will be here before you know it! Will bring writing inspiration in the form of Virginia Woolf’s diary…and your 3 manuscripts, and journal.
    XOXO

  5. (((Deva)))

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