Mind Ache

I’m still waiting – and waiting and waiting and… to hear back about this job. I believe there would still be another round of interview-esque stuff before I know for sure. I do hate this waiting – while I wait, I want to be doing things that are productive and make me feel good, but I generally don’t. And I don’t know whether I’ll hear today, or tomorrow, or maybe Wednesday… and not knowing when to expect a call makes it that much harder to stand. Considering most of the other jobs I’ve applied to, their responses have been quite fast in general, but this is still taking much too long for my liking.

I know that if I don’t get this job, there will be something else – but when? I can hardly bear to be unemployed, and on top of that I really want this job. I would be making an entry-level amount of money and as a result would learn how to budget super-well, I’d be working in publishing at a cool, small independent company, and I’d no doubt learn a lot about computers and technology (since that’s the type of book they publish). It’s an awesome location and we could start looking for an apartment so soon if I got it. I do feel like I need to move yesterday. I came out here to start my post-college life, real life, and I can only go one step at a time. I need a job first, so I can get an apartment, and then maybe I can start working on the rest of life. I have a very, very limited social life, no real schedule to keep me busy, and a bunch of Halloween candy. This could be very dangerous for my belly…

I’m just tired. I’m tired of feeling useless and unwanted, and tired of feeling hopeful only to be let down. I’m tired of wondering and waiting. I’m tired of this living situation. I’m tired of making bad mistakes. I’m tired of life that I can’t really live because of one crucial missing piece.

In the movie Ten Inch Hero, Piper moves to Santa Cruz from across the country (as an art student), goes into a sandwich shop with a “Help Wanted” sign in the window, gets a job in the five minutes following, and then seems to do just fine. Why couldn’t it have happened like that for me?


~ by plaidlylush on November 9, 2009.

2 Responses to “Mind Ache”

  1. Oh, sweetie! This is life. This moment is your life. The waiting is life. All of it. Life doesn’t come later. You’re living it right now.

    You will find a job. But don’t forget to live this day.

    • I can’t live it fully right now, though. I’m not saying life only takes place when I’m happy with it (I would clearly have not learned anything if I thought that), but the aspects of life I’m talking about need the circumstances of having a job and my own place to live. I don’t know if you had that period after college when you were more or less on your own and had to wait while finding a job and other things…

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